Back when I was getting my graduate degree from the biggest Christian university in (quite possibly) the world, I had to take class after class on counseling (hence the Marriage and Family major).
Despite not pursuing my license (sorry school, I’m done!) I did come away from two plus years of classes having gained knowledge worth knowing.
One of the exercises I did for a class with my then spouse was what you’ll see below.
The “Love Maps Questionaire”.
In short, in any relationship, communication is key. But after we tie the knot, it may drop off.
Reason being, we’ve gotten what we pursued and fought for.
But just because the battle is done, does not mean it’s time to rest and close up shop.
We still need to pursue the object of our affection.
We need to continue to get to know them. Their favorite food, picnic spot, vacation spot, and ideal job were just the tip of the iceberg. There’s still much to know and explore.
Problem is, communication and conflict styles vary as much as favorite foods and movies. No two people are exactly alike.
Gary Chapman actually has a book about the 5 Love Languages that goes along the lines of what you’ll find below.
But again, long story short, we’re all different.
So how do couples with varying styles of love languages and conflict resolution meet in the middle?
Is it all about compromise?
Is it all about giving it to God?
Possibly. Yes. And, well, love.
It’s about loving someone more than you love your own point of view.
Or perhaps loving them despite theirs.
There’s a reason Jesus stated that the two most important commandments dealt with love.
So here’s a questionaire (not test) to see how well you know your spouse. It’s not to keep score. Not to bash anyone.
But it is a great way to see in what areas you need to communicate more.
And despite your spouse or significant other/family member’s answers, remember.
For each question, don’t just answer yes or no, but expand on it. Give the answer. For example, “Do you know your spouse’s favorite actor?” Say, “Brad Pit” not just, “Yes”. Go back and forth. Take turns. And have fun.
I can name my partner’s best friends.
I can tell you what stresses my partner is currently facing.
I know the names of some of the people who have been irritating my partner lately.
I can tell you some of my partner’s life dreams.
I am familiar with my partner’s religious beliefs and ideas.
I can tell you about about my partner’s basic philosophy on life.
I can list the relatives my partner likes the least.
I know my partner’s favorite music.
I can list my partners’ three favorite movies.
I know the three most special times in my partner’s life.
I can tell you the most stressful thing that happened to my partner as a child.
I can list my partner’s major hopes and aspirations for his/her life.
I know what worries my partner.
I know what my partner would do if he/she suddenly won the lottery.
I can tell you in detail the first impressions I had of my partner.